And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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