Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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