Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
