i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my poor anus
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
