Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
