well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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