So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
