I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
