I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
