every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
