they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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