Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
