his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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