so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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