So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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