dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the room spins SO much faster in panama
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
