Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
