we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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