my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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