I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
