Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
