Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
There are leaves in my underwear?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
