Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
