My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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