need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think my mom watched the whole time
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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