perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
