Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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