Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
