She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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