Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
