What did we do last night that was yellow?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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