Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
