Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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