Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You ever have a fart follow you around?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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