i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
