Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
