I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
