Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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