There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
