Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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