ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
