How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
