R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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