You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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