i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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