insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He shit in the fireplace
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
