I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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