I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We need a shit load of segways right now
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
