He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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