What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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