You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
